Senior Citizen Discount

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

- Author unknown

A Teaser of Curiosity

Dear Reader:
I once resided with Second Timothy 3:4 and walked in Ephesians 2:2, and my continued conversation at that time is still recorded in Ephesians 2:3.

I heard one day that an inheritance had been purchased for me, and the description of it reached me; you will find it at First Peter 1:4. One who resides in Hebrews 4:14 had purchased it at an extraordinary price; but, to say the truth, I did not believe this report, as I was entirely unacquainted with the Man, and long experience had convinced me that strangers never gave favors through love alone, and friends seldom gave any favors that cost much.

However, I called at First Timothy 3:16, as my own prospects at Ephesians 2:12 were as bad as they could be. I found the house I sought for at Second Corinthians 4:1, and the invitations to it, which, you will see, put up at Isaiah 55:1 and by John at 7:37, are wonderfully inviting to the poor and needy. The house has only one door, and it was some time before I saw the door at John 10:9.

My permanent address will be at Galatians 5:1, but call any day at Hebrews 4:16; you will meet me and many others … we are daily in the habit of meeting there. If you call, attend to what the servant says at Luke 14:22, and you may depend upon what that servant says.

OUT OF BONDAGE

One of the biggest mathematical miracles in the world centers around Moses and the people of Israel. Moses and the people of Israel were in the desert, but what was he going to do with them? They had to be fed, and feeding 3 or 3 1/2 million people would require a lot of food.

According to the Quartermaster General of the Army, it is reported that Moses would have to have 1500 tons of food each day. Did you know that to bring that amount of food each day, two freight trains, each a mile long, would be required?

Besides, you must remember, they were out in the desert, and they would have to have firewood to cook the food. This would take 4000 tons of wood and a few more freight trains, each a mile long, for one day. And just to think, they were forty years in transit. Oh, yes, they would have to have water. If they only had enough to drink and wash a few dishes, it would take 11,000,000 gallons each day, and a freight train with tank cars 11.8 miles long, just to bring water. They had no lakes, and only a few wells. How were they to get water?

And then another thing . . . ! They had to get across the Red Sea in one night. Now if they went on a narrow path, double file, the line would be 800 miles long and would require 35 days and nights to get through. So, there had to be space in the Red Sea 3 miles wide so they could walk 5000 abreast to get over in one night.

But, then, another problem. .. Every time they camped at the end of the day, a campground 2/3's the size of Rhode Island, or a total of 750 square miles, was needed. That comprises an area 25 miles wide and 30 miles long. Think of it! This space just for nightly camping.

Do you think Moses figured all this out before he left? I think not. You see, Moses believed in God, and that God was going to take care of these things for him. Let us take courage, we have the same God! We think our problems are so big. Remember what God can do! Just team up with God, and your problems will be in His care. Let him run your life, and as the old song says: "He will take care of YOU"

-- Author Unknown

10 RULES FOR A HAPPY DAY

1. TODAY I WILL NOT STRIKE BACK: If someone is rude, if someone is impatient, if someone is unkind... I will not respond in a like manner.


2. TODAY I WILL ASK GOD TO BLESS MY "ENEMY":
If I come across someone who treats me harshly or unfairly, I will quietly ask GOD to bless that individual. I understand the "enemy" could be a family member, neighbor, co-worker or stranger.

3. TODAY I WILL BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAY:
I will carefully choose and guard my words being certain that I do not spread gossip.

4. TODAY I WILL GO THE EXTRA MILE:
I will find ways to help share the burden of another person.

5. TODAY I WILL FORGIVE:
I will forgive any hurts or injuries that come my way.

6. TODAY I WILL DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE, BUT I WILL NOT DO IT SECRETLY:
I will reach out anonymously and bless the life of another.

7. TODAY I WILL TREAT OTHERS THE WAY I WISH TO BE TREATED:
I will practice the golden rule - "Do unto others as I would have them do unto me" - with everyone I encounter.

8. TODAY I WILL RAISE THE SPIRITS OF SOMEONE WHO IS DISCOURAGED:
My smile, my words, my expression of support, can make the difference to someone who is wrestling with life.

9. TODAY I WILL NURTURE MY BODY:
I will eat less; I will eat only healthy foods. I will thank GOD for my body.

10. TODAY I WILL GROW SPIRITUALLY:
I will spend a little more time in prayer today: I will begin reading something spiritual or inspirational today; I will find a quiet place (at some point during this day) and listen to GOD's voice!!!

"But since we belong to the day, let us be self controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and hope of salvation as a helmet." - 1 Thessalonians 5:8

~ Author Unknown

Some Things Just Don't Go Together

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together:


~ A nose ring and bifocals.

~ Spiked hair and bald spots.

~ A pierced tongue and dentures.

~ Miniskirts and support hose.

~ Ankle bracelets and corn pads.

~ Speedo's and cellulite.

~ A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar.

~ Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor.

~ Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge.

~ Bikinis and liver spots.

~ Short shorts and varicose veins.

~ Inline skates and a walker.


But otherwise, WE'RE LOOKIN' GOOD!

The Cracked Pot

A water bearer had two large pots, each hung on the end of a long pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and one-half pots full of water to her master's house.

Of course the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and was miserable that it was only able to accomplish half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

"Why?" Asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half of my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in her compassion she said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But, at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half of its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We are all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace His Father's table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste.

So, as we seek ways to minister together, and as God calls you to the tasks He has appointed for you, don't be afraid of your flaws.

Can God Use You?

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...

Noah was a drunk;

Abraham was too old;

Isaac was a daydreamer;

Jacob was a liar;

Leah was ugly;

Joseph was abused;

Moses had a stuttering problem;

Gideon was afraid;

Samson had long hair and was a womanizer;

Rahab was a prostitute;

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young;

David had an affair and was a murderer;

Elijah was suicidal;

Isaiah preached naked;

Jonah ran from God;

Naomi was a widow;

Job went bankrupt;

John the Baptist ate bugs;

Peter denied Christ;

The Disciples fell asleep while praying;

Martha worried about everything;

The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than o¬nce;

Zaccheus was too small;

Paul was too religious;

Timothy had an ulcer

...AND Lazarus was dead!


SO YOU HAVE NO MORE EXCUSES NOW.

God can use you to your full potential.

STC (Senior Texting Codes)

Since more and more seniors citizens are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for senior discounts, these are the codes for you:
ATD: At The Doctor's

BFF: Best Friend Farted

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered By Medicare

CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

GHA: Got Heartburn Again

IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL: Living On Lipitor

LWO: Lawrence Welk's On

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.

ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing...Can't Get Up

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

WTP: Where's The Prunes?

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil


Feel free to add any codes you feel are missing; send the additions back to the person who sent you this so they can update their list:

GGLKI: Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

An Incredible Story

In the 1930s, Stalin ordered a purge of all Bibles and all believers in the former Soviet Union. Millions of Bibles were confiscated and multitudes of believers were sent to the gulags (prison camps), where most died for being "enemies of the state." In Stavropol, Russia, this order was carried out with a vengeance.

Recently, the CoMission ministry, which Campus Crusade for Christ sponsored, sent a team to Stavropol. The city's history was not known at that time. But when our team was having difficulties getting Bibles shipped from Moscow, someone mentioned the existence of a warehouse outside of town where these confiscated Bibles had been stored ever since Stalin's day.

After much prayer by the team, one member finally got up the courage to go to the warehouse and ask the officials if the Bibles were still there. Sure enough, they were. Then the CoMission asked if the Bibles could be removed and distributed again to the people of Stavropol. The answer was "yes"!

The next day the CoMission team returned with a truck and several Russian people to help load the Bibles. One helper was a young man, who was a skeptical, hostile, and agnostic collegian who had come only for the day's wages.

As they were loading the Bibles, one team member noticed that the young man had disappeared. Eventually, they found him in a corner of the warehouse weeping.

He had slipped away hoping to quietly take a Bible. What he found shook him to the core. The inside page of the Bible he picked up had the handwritten signature of his own grandmother! It had been her Bible! Out of the many thousands of Bibles still left in that warehouse, he stole the one belonging to his grandmother -- a woman persecuted for her faith all her life.

No wonder he was weeping -- God had just dramatically revealed Himself to this young man. His grandmother had no doubt prayed for him and for her city. Her prayers had followed him, and now this young man's life has been transformed by the very Bible that his grandmother found so dear.

"O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!” (Romans 11:33).

I PRAYED FOR YOU TODAY

I prayed for you today

But not in the typical way

Not for riches or for fame

Not to keep your life the same.

But to make a difference in your life

To keep you always free from strife

To answer what you need to do

And to feel the love He has for you.

To bring you peace in your life

To always give you good advice

And to always open every door

To show you what He needs you for.

But most of all from heaven above

To let you know that you are loved

But most of all the one thing to do

To show you the love I have for you.

And so I ask from God above

To fill your heart with his love

And that I know you will see

All that love was sent from me.

© Jack Rickett 2000